Have you ever been in a meeting in which it seemed as if everyone else was doing a beautiful butterfly stroke, whereas you were just doing an awkward doggy paddle and trying desperately to stay afloat?
I sat in one of those meetings for two hours yesterday and I still haven't quite recovered yet. It was a meeting with 6-7 other PIs from various departments to brainstorm on a new collaborative project. I was by far the most junior person there, and although it doesn't happen often, I was intimidated.
It didn't help that my area of expertise is somewhat tangential to the goal of the project which is, metaphorically speaking, to design a new Gadget, set up large-scale Gadget manufacturing facilities, market Gadget internationally, and establish distribution chains for selling Gadget worldwide. My area of expertise? Gadgets are made from a combination of Sprogs and Widgets, which in turn are made from breaking down Sprockets. I work with Sprockets.
So basically, I was able to contribute some ideas on how to efficiently produce Sprogs and Widgets from a starting material of Sprockets. But I know squat about Gadgets, mass production, marketing, and distribution chains. So I spent most of the meeting just trying to keep up with the discussion. And I did...barely. I now have a decent understanding of the entire process, which is an improvement over my previous state of befuddlement.
But understanding the project is a far cry from being able to come up with good ideas for how to accomplish the project's goals. And I don't want to be going to these meetings for the next X months and being just some clueless n00b going along for the ride. I want to be valuable to the group, and thinking about what I have to do to get from clueless n00b to valuable team member is freaking me out.
The other thing that's freaking me out is the fact that we are each expected to generate data for this project. I can generate data, but this project is one of at least five that I'm working on, so it's not going to happen quickly. Of course, everyone else is working on multiple projects too, but everyone else has labs full of people working on those multiple projects. All I've got is me.
I know freaking out is just about the least useful thing I can do. And I'm not complaining about being pulled onto this project...I'm actually rather flattered. So I'm going to go dive into a giant pile of papers and see if I can't emerge a slightly-less-clueless n00b by the time our next group meeting rolls around. Blogging may be light for a while....
back to work
7 hours ago
11 comments:
You must swim with the big kids in order to learn, uncomfortable as it may feel at times. If I could give you one piece of unsolicited wisdom about doing this it would be- don't be afraid to ask questions of the big kids.
This is how you learn.
I routinely feel, on interacting with others, that I do not know nearly as much as I should, that others have a much deeper insight and broader vision than me, and that I shall never get to be s good as them.
But, when I started, just about anyone could make me feel that way; then it progressively became most of the others, and now it is just many, but not most... There will always be someone who can, but that does not prevent you nor me from doing our own work, having fun and making appreciable contributions... and when we meet someone who is much brighter, hey, great, maybe they can teach us something new. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
Oh, and watch out for those beautiful butterflies which, on a closer inspection, turn out to be just moths (it was just an optical illusion :-)
This is a great example of how different it is to be a PI leading a large team of scientists in highly collaborative interdisciplinary research than it is to be in a non-independent position. It sounds like a great learning opportunity for those participants who have not yet developed the really big-picture perspective. And the high-level PIs running this project are to be commended for giving everyone involved the opportunity to see how these things work, rather than just confabbing only with themselves, and then distributing tasks and information only on a "need-to-know" basis.
I definitely know the feeling of being in with the big kids. Right now I'm sitting in meetings where people are talking about things I didn't know existed. Yay for steep learning curves.
My entire first two months were like this... it's a horrible feeling isn't it! I'm still pretty intimidated by the big fish who I don't see very often, I've got used to the other ones.
But it's clear that you were able to contribute something to the discussion - if you don't get the sprockets right, the whole thing crumbles - and hopefully each new meeting will make a little more sense. It sounds like a really interesting project anyway!
I feel like this too. Academic Advisor made me go to this small, specialists workshop after only my first semester of grad school. I felt like an idiot during breakout sessions that were comprised of all the big names in a field I was only just becoming aware of.
Good luck learning. I bet you'll come up with an amazing idea that no one else will think of because of (not in spite of) your unique expertise with Sprockets.
This is a chapter out of my everyday life in my oddly-run group... except that I'm the person who works on Spurons, which may be a less toxic version of Sprockets, and they've invited me to the meeting, too. Good luck with that one- I'm sure you'll get the hang of it.
That is not an unfamiliar feeling to me, but usually these situations resolve in learning more than I could possibly imagine. Hope you progressively catch up with the big kids!
DrDrA--Good advice indeed. I'm not normally shy about asking questions. But in this case, I had such a huge background deficit that I thought I'd better do some reading first before opening my mouth and saying something phenomenally stupid!
Okham--I completely agree. The number of people who can make me feel inadequate has steadily decreased as I've progressed. And I don't feel that way with everyone who's more senior than I am...just the ones I respect!
PP--I think one of the main differences has to do with breadth and depth of exposure to other subfields, systems, methods, etc. And I agree it's great that they're involving everyone in the brainstorming and decision-making process rather than just telling us junior people what we're expected to do. Learned some very interesting stuff about interdepartmental politics too!
Academic--Well, at least we can keep each other company as we climb our respective learning curves! :-)
CAE--Yes, there's something about repeated exposure to the big fish that makes them less intimidating. I think it's because they then have multiple interactions with me on which to base their opinion, as opposed to just one interaction in which I could say something idiotic. And it is a really, really cool project...kind of a crazy idea, but it would be awesome if it works.
EcoGeoFemme--Thanks! We should be having another meeting in the next week or two, so we'll see what happens. :-)
Candid Engineer--It's definitely nice to know that other people have these experiences too!
ScienceGirl--Yup, definitely a learning experience. I already know lots more now than I did before the meeting!
yup, I think reading is a good approach. And you will catch up, as drdra says, from talking with these people more over time. But it is also perfectly acceptable to keep your mouth shut, listen and learn at the beginning, until you get the hang of things.
Although some PIs (PP) don't always remember this one simple lesson, here it is:
It's easier to learn with your ears open than your mouth.
I've really only been in this situation once before, when I served on a University committee for the first time.
One day I realized I was answering questions for a PI who was new to the committee. Then I knew I had caught up.
But I've never felt intimidated this way in science, maybe because I have such an unusually broad background? Which I attribute mostly to lots of reading and working in different kinds of places.
I usually find it pretty easy to keep up with the PIs, even in other fields. Although it took a long time for me to get to this point, I am way past the fear of asking questions - and maybe even looking stupid sometimes.
And knowing all that, I am secure in the knowledge that lots of smart people ask dumb questions all the time, and it's perfectly fine.
Nobody can know everything, and nobody expects you to.
MsPhD--Yeah, the good thing about the proverbial steep learning curve is that it doesn't take much to effect a pretty significant increase in understanding/grasp of the material!
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