Earlier this week, an old friend from my and March Hare's college days stopped in to visit on his cross-country drive from West Coast City to East Coast City. He stayed one night at our house and we got to spend some time hanging out and catching up. It was a fantastic time!
The visit got me thinking about the differences between friends from various chapters of my life. As I got older and my life became more "specialized", the friends I made were more like me in terms of background and interests. Most of my friends in college were science and engineering majors, my grad school friends were other life science grad students, and the friends I've made recently are mostly academic scientists in my field.
But strangely, the friends with whom I have the strongest connection are those from high school. My group of friends is now scattered over five countries in three continents, and we're lucky if we get to see each other more than once in 3-4 years. Frankly, I'm not sure we'd all be friends if we had met each other as adults rather than as teenagers. But everytime we do get together, it's like we're just picking up where we had left off--as if years of being out of contact and leading divergent lives have had little impact on the bonds forged in school.
Maybe we're simply more open and malleable when we're young, and therefore more tolerant of differences in others and more willing to let down our guard. Either way, this visit reminded me of how nice it is to spend time with friends with whom you are completely comfortable and can discuss anything.
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9 comments:
My Granny had similar experiences. For me, it doesn't seem so, though.
Hmm...I hope you're not implying something about my age, Schlupp! :-)
You imply that it's easier to be completely comfortable and discuss anything with your old friends since they are from different backgrounds. But I have to ask - is this really a reflection of the TYPE of friends that you made then versus now, or is it perhaps more of a reflection of your own ability to open up to friends at that particular time (and since) versus your ability to do that now. I think that, in general, as we get older we become more reserved when interacting with potential new friends. Add that to the likelihood that most of your potential new friends are from work (making it even more complicated to let your guard down), and you have a major hill to get over before you become comfortable enough to really open up and become true friends with someone. I would argue that it has less to do with the PEOPLE that you are interacting with, and more to do with the way in which YOU are interacting with them.
Myx--actually, the point I was trying to make is that it is easier to be comfortable with old friends despite background differences, not because of it. And I do agree that this has more to do with how we make friends when we're younger rather than who those friends are (see last paragraph). Clearly, I didn't make my point very well! :-)
Or maybe I just need to learn to read more carefully!
So have you learned anything from this 'reminder'? ie, Does your observation about your old friends make you want to consider letting your guard down around putative new friends??
What is this, an Aesop's fable?! I was reminded by this visit to appreciate the old friends I have. But one of the reasons my old friends are also good friends is because I chose carefully.
I love that feeling of being with old friends like you saw each other yesterday. I relate to this post completely about how my friends have changed over time. My theory is that we have less time to make friends as we grow older and less places to meet friends. Or we put a lower priority on meeting new people. It is sad that my best friends live more than driving distances away, but it's fun to go visit them when I can.
I like meeting with old friends, too. It's amazing that we can all just meet up and pick up where we left off. In order to keep friends like that, maybe you have to make a deep connection?
Jennie and Amanda--I think you're both right. And having a significant other definitely contributes to having less time for, and placing less emphasis on, making new friends.
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